Those Who Do Not Study History Are Doomed To Repeat It

Last year, about this time, I was searching for a place to live for the September school year. Now, I am looking for a place to move into in the next three weeks. I happened across a blog I posted last year about the exact experience I’m going through right now:

Foul and deeply perturbed individual seeks room

This week I have been exhaustively searching Craigslist for a new room to live in in September… of course these ads are so shamelessly self- and house-promoting that you can really glean next-to-nothing from them. So…I have been responding mostly to the ones that say something about the people living there, mostly to ads where all or most of the roommates are guys (more difficult to offend, less likely to offend me). Then I happened to come across one that had a little bit at the bottom along the lines of “we’re laid back, easygoing, etc., but who’s gonna say ‘I’m a foul, deeply perturbed individual, deal with it.” And I said to myself, I think I could dig this guy. So I responded with the opening line, “dear so-and-so, I am a foul and deeply perturbed individual. Okay, so I’m not, but I am a writer, an insomniac and a coffee drinker, all of which tend to be pretty dodgy, no?”

I have gotten so sick of the self-selling emails, one of these days I’m going to just respond with:

Dear So-and-so,

I would like to move into your house, but be warned. I keep very odd hours, and have bizarre habits. I tend to sleep naked, but I will defiantly keep my door shut when I do so. I drink a ridiculous amount of coffee, which means my moods may be unpredictable and I may be prone to high-speed, snappish remarks that make absolutely no sense at all. If you step into my room, you might experience momentary fear–but as long as you fuck off out of my space, you needn’t worry. I cut magazines into little shards and tape the pieces in my journal, on my walls, on postcards, and pretty much anywhere I feel like it at the time. I have a smart, foul mouth and if I get high I’ll shoot it off a whole hell of a lot more than you really want to hear it. I’m stubborn and bull-headed, and absolutely guaranteed to make fun of you at least once a day. I work too much and get laid too little, which means I’m exceedingly bitter.

I hope to hear from you soon, as I believe I’m the perfect roommate. If you do not respond I’ll just have to assume you’re a complete idiot and a total fuckwit wanker.

Thanks for your time.

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~ by saltgirlspeaks on 9 June, 2007.

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