Dear Tea Party America:
I’ve tried to talk to you, but you just won’t listen. When I speak calmly, you shout as if I haven’t spoken at all. When I raise my voice to be heard, because what I want to tell you is important, you shove a misspelled sign with an unclever slogan on it in my face and tell me I’m a moron–or better yet, an “infiltrator.”
The thing is, I’m not just talking to be contrary. I’ve been trying to teach you. You say you want to get rid of taxes altogether? Well, that’s ridiculous. If America got rid of all its taxes, we’d end up living like Haiti, or Somalia, where the diseases that have been out of our American lexicon of worry for decades are emerging and wreaking havoc as we speak. We’d lose the quality of our highways, our drinking water, our public schools (which are already far below par–your signs are testament to that), our sanitation (do you WANT shit running down the streets?!). And if the rich got further tax breaks, which your favored candidates would undoubtedly put through, the gap between rich and poor would widen, leaving YOU further down towards the bottom.
But you won’t listen. If it doesn’t fit on a picket sign or a T-shirt, you’re not interested.
“Obama’s a fascist!” “Health Care Is Stuped!” “Down With Broun Peple and Fags!” “Jesus Haits Educashun!” “Lame-stream Media Is Corrupt!” “Sex Ed Teeches Kids To Be Slutty!” “Why Should I Have 2 Press 1 For English?!”
Listen, you fucking dolt. The reason people like ME are fighting and voting for higher education spending is so that the country can help people like YOU to get better jobs, instead of working at Wal-Mart your entire life. And so YOUR kids can have the opportunity to go to college. Don’t you WANT that for them?! I’ve seen you, Tea Party America. You’re NOT rich. You DON’T have the kind of money to send your kids to college without the government’s help. And you DON’T have the kind of money to pay for private health insurance, either.
The reason our president created the bill you so spitefully refer to as “Obamacare” is so that the countless sniveling, ignorant wretches at your feet don’t have to go without medical care if the screw factory you work in gets shut down because the Republican who owns it ships the work off to Malaysia without a second’s thought for YOU and your brats. And it’s so I, who have worked every day since I was twelve (no handouts here) and have NEVER been able to afford private insurance (restaurants often don’t offer insurance), can finally afford to go to the doctor if I’m sick or hurt. Thankfully for me, I haven’t gotten hurt or sick much in the past eighteen years. But I’m getting older, and I WORRY about stuff like that now.
The reason the Brown People (and the other immigrants, many of whom are white) you detest so much have come to this country is because they want to improve their station in life. They are NOT satisfied with living in poverty, and wanting for basic services. And they’re willing to risk their lives to get here, and WORK THEIR ASSES OFF for that chance. I don’t see YOUR asshole teenagers working their asses off at anything. The reason there are so many immigrants here is because there is a demand in this country for unskilled labor, and AMERICAN TEENAGERS can’t be bothered. American PEOPLE can’t be bothered. They don’t want to scrub toilets, or change bed linens or pick up other people’s condoms in hotel rooms. They don’t want to slop garbage in the landfill, or clean the grease trap in the friolator at McDonald’s. As long as those jobs exist, there will be a demand for immigrant labor (and if you’d studied history, you’d know that those jobs have almost always been done by immigrants or minorities, for the entire history of this country). Should they be filled by illegals? NO. Should the immigrants learn to speak English? YES. Should they be required to be fluent the moment they get here? NO, you asshat. You aren’t even fluent, and it’s your native language.
Should they be able to conduct their banking business, or request telephone customer service in their native language? YES. Even confident speakers of English as a second language can miss nuances in language that would cause them to misunderstand, get confused, or make mistakes. I took five years of Spanish, and I would not do my banking in that language. Does it make a difference to YOU if they are helped by a robot that speaks English or Spanish or Swahili? NO AGAIN. In fact, it’s far cheaper to have the robot speak six languages than to hire six separate translators to help them in person.
Furthermore, you fuck-tard, this country was settled by people from multiple nations, not just the English. In fact, I’m willing to bet one or more of YOUR ancestors were immigrants who didn’t speak English. Some of them may even have been illegal. If they’d been deported for speaking the wrong language, YOU WOULDN’T BE AMERICAN, jackass. Unless you’re full-blooded Native American, which barely exists anymore if it does at all, YOUR ancestors were immigrants. So why don’t you get off your high, redneck horse and shut the fuck up about it, you hypocrite. And if you’re worried about jobs, I’d be worried more about the immigrants who DO speak English than the ones who don’t, if I were you. Bet you hadn’t thought that far…
Yes, immigration has to be fixed. But it’s not the immigrant’s fault that the system has made it possible for so many illegal immigrants to come here and stay. It’s the government’s fault, for making it so expensive and difficult to go about emigrating the legal way, and for not enforcing the immigration laws that exist. It’s the fault of the employers who still hire illegal immigrants because they want to save a buck. It’s the fault of big American corporations who have shipped all of their manufacturing work overseas (companies run by Republicans, no doubt), eliminating thousands if not millions of unskilled-labor jobs, and laying off thousands if not millions of Americans. It’s the fault of the lazy, arrogant American, who thinks that working hard (or dirty) for a living is beneath them. It’s the fault of parents, who let their kids stay at home until they’re 25 without making them get JOBS. When I was 16, all the cashiers at the grocery store were high school kids. Now they’re all foreign. Why?! Because the high school kids are at the fucking MALL, with YOUR credit card, or playing with their Playstation or Wii in YOUR living room.
And don’t even get me started on your religious hogwash.
Jesus hates fags? I doubt it. Everything I ever learned about Jesus told me that he was accepting, altruistic, and compassionate. Not a bigoted, ignorant fuck like you. As a matter of fact, you’d probably be the person Jesus was protecting others from. What the hell does it matter to YOU if a gay person gets married? Or has children? And who do you think gay couples are adopting? Unwanted children that straight people had! If you think same-sex relationships are wrong, DON’T GET INTO ONE. It’s as simple as that. Homosexuality has been around as long as human society… which means that God created fags… and you’re trying to tell me he hates them? Bullshit. You hate them, because you’re ignorant, and have some twisted idea in your head that a gay guy or gal might want to hit on YOU. Well, they don’t. They want to stay as far away from you as humanly possible, I promise.
Oh, and the predator thing? That crap you have in your head about gays being predatory, or being a threat to children? Also hogwash. Most sex crimes are committed by straight people, including child molestation. I’d be more worried about your pastor than the fruits who live down the street.
And as far as birth control, sex education and abortion, are you so absolutely oblivious that you don’t see that it’s uneducated people having unprotected sex that leads to unwanted pregnancies? Are you aware that Texas, the land of Abstinence-Only education, has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the country? Have YOU given your kids the kind of comprehensive understanding of the human reproductive system and the consequences of unprotected sex that they would have gotten in a school health class? Are YOU prepared to raise their kids when they DO have sex (and they will), or watch them live with a horrible disease or die of AIDS? Are you willing to watch them sink into a quagmire of debt and hopelessness because their future was over at 18 when they started popping out babies and their opportunities for education were over? Are YOU willing to take in all of the unwanted kids who are already in the system, as well as all the ones who were aborted because their parents knew they couldn’t care for them properly and didn’t WANT them?! If you got RAPED, would you want to carry that child for nine months, and look at the product of that rape for the rest of your life? Would you LOVE that child the way it deserved to be loved?
Oh, and another thing–returning to the subject of Brown People. Do you actually know ANYTHING about Islam? Have you studied the religion, or have you simply planted yourself in front of your TV and complacently ingested every bit of anti-Muslim propaganda that Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly spat out at you? Do you realize that there are hundreds of thousands of Muslims in this country who have NO DESIRE to commit acts of violence, and NO hatred or ill will towards Christians, but want simply to live their lives and practice their religion peacefully without you protesting every time they want to build a community center, or hurling racial slurs at them as they walk down the street? How would YOU feel if the Atheists protested and called you evil every time you wanted to build a church, or start a youth group? Because I think YOUR beliefs are naught more than twisted mythology… but I think you should have the RIGHT to practice them as you wish, as long as you’re not HARMING anyone else.
The terrorists who committed the atrocities of 9/11 were FUNDAMENTALISTS, who belonged to an extremely violent terrorist organization. They were a TINY, EXTREME faction. There are MILLIONS of Muslims who are not violent, and think, as we do, that 9/11 was HORRIBLE. The operative, and terrifying word in the above paragraph is “fundamentalist.” Fundamentalist CHRISTIANS have bombed numerous abortion clinics and killed doctors and innocent patients. Fundamentalist CHRISTIANS have started cults that have ended in bloodbaths. The only difference is that the Al Qaeda terrorists were more organized, more numerous, and more willing to die for their completely fucked-up cause. But how would YOU feel, as a Christian, if you were judged based on the actions of David Koresh