It’s been a weird month all around, apparently. So says a friend in another state, so have I heard from nearly everyone I know here on Vieques. Even business has been weird. Busy when we didn’t expect it, and slow when we thought it would be okay. I have to embrace the weird because I have chosen to live on an island where weird is routine (for an example, I found a live piglet in an abandoned sailboat wreck a week ago). But this weird has been unsettling, because it’s an emotional, anxious, confusing sort of weird, and it’s totally turned my mojo upside down in a lot of important places.
My friend in North Carolina says that it’s been a “nebulous” month for her too. Her description of what that meant matched the way I have been feeling to a tee– confused and unclear, but somehow she feels okay about all of it. I didn’t until today, but I feel like my ship sort of righted itself through the course of the afternoon, and I’m back on course. My friend says it has something to do with the moon and Jupiter hanging out so close together tonight, which I noticed, although I’m not very diligent about my interest in astronomy or astrology.
I’ve also been feeling like writing recently, which I haven’t felt like doing much since I graduated from Emerson, with the exception of the 100-page fit of typing I did here on Vieques two years ago and haven’t looked at since. Maybe I’ll return to that project; maybe I’ll start writing a novel. Maybe I’ll write the bartending memoir I’ve been talking about, or finally put something on paper about my travels. Either way, the muse is knocking on my door, and maybe all the tumult and weirdness is just her signaling her return. I always did write best when things were a little squirrelly.
After two important conversations, neither of which I initiated, I find myself, like my friend in North Carolina, feeling pretty good about it all tonight.
I think I might start leaving post-it notes like little mini pep-talks around my house, though. Neon pink ones that say things like, “Don’t pre-worry the worry,” and “Think before you speak, even if you just woke up,” and “Write, Stupid,” and “Don’t forget that you love you.” These are the things I struggle with, believe it or not.
Yeah. Animals have it so good. They may worry, but only about serious important shit like “Am I gonna eat today?” and “Will my person ever come home?” and “Is that loud explody thing gonna kill me?”
Human worrying is dumb. Perhaps I’ll make a late resolution to stop Dumb Worrying and only worry about stuff an animal would worry about: food and exercise and companionship and fun and the occasional bitey or stabby or explody thing.
Oh, and sleep. Very important, that.